<sub>My friend sent me a Wilco song and I fell in love with it. I never thought I'd like Wilco, but evidently I do. It's important to note, though, that right now I'm actually listening to 2+2=5 by Radiohead, which is infinitely better.

I wouldn't be able to provide an update on what happened with my new friend because I still feel uneasy. However, other situations have come up since then.

1. I think I might have Bipolar Disorder. My most compelling reason for thinking this is that (and this isn't an isolated incident, just the most obvious and most recent) after I had a meltdown yesterday I came into my room and felt extremely helpless for a few minutes. Then, without even thinking, I got up, organized my school folders and binders, then proceeded to write at least three fourths of an essay that doesn't even have a deadline yet, before feeling helpless and pissed off again.

2. I have a pretty big crush on a good friend of mine and I'm too stupid to tell him, so instead he tells me.. About the girl he likes that isn't me. Sigh. This one's my fault, because I've liked him for probably five months now. And I always like someone, so this is hardly the first time I had a complaint like this.

3. I've only recently realized that I have a problem conveying emotions. For example.. ^ But also, my best friend has been gone since late August and I only told her last Thursday that I missed her.


Also I feel like mentioning that I've been reading my old journal entries and goddamn, do I find myself annoying. Myself two+ years ago, anyway. Aside from my childish fear of telling someone I don't want to hear about their potential girlfriend because I want to be their girlfriend, and my inability to emote, I don't hate my present-self that much. I'm pretty reasonable, when my little sister doesn't eat my dinner (which totally happened yesterday, and caused my meltdown. All I had in my stomach was three chicken strips from lunch, and I was understandably pissed).

I just read an old journal that reminded me why I've got self-esteem issues. God, my mindset when I was a freshman. I was gullible, to say the least. And though I'm still awful in social interactions, I'm at least not so... Sad about it.

Anyway, I only post this stuff here because I need to get it out somewhere and I don't feel like I can tell anyone. I don't want my friends and family thinking that I think I'm crazy.</sub>